Vargas Silva, M.S.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Phone: (408) 658-8576
* Do you feel disconnected from your partner?
* Are you having more arguments than usual because you are stuck home during this time of shelter-in-place?
* Are you trying to recover your relationship from an affair?
* Does you partner shut you down every time you try talking to him/her about the problems in your relationship?
I want to invite you to watch the videos on the bottom of this page or go to the videos section of this website and watch the new videos I am posting with my colleague, Patricia Walsh, LMFT. We are preparing a video podcast to help couples and families in distress. The pandemic we have gone through exacerbated individuals, couples, and families problems and caused another pandemic of mental health problems. We prepared these video and audio podcasts to help you to not only understand your emotions better, but also know how you can engage with your loved ones in positive way. Our hope is that by watching these videos, you will feel more connected to yourself and you will improve your relationship with others.
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and a certified emotionally focused therapist. I am specialized in helping couples and families through child-centered play therapy (CCPT), filial therapy (FT), and emotionally focused therapy (EFT). EFT is a humanistic therapy method created by psychologists Sue Johnson and Leslie Greenberg at the University of British Columbia in the 1980s. About 90 percent of couples who are treated through EFT report improvement in their relationship and more than 70 percent report recovery from relationship distress. As an EFT therapist I have seen these numbers in my own practice. More than 80 percent of the couples I treat move from relational distress to intimacy and connection.
EFT helps couples to dive into their emotional experience and share their new awareness with their partners. By knowing each other in a deeper level, they change their negative assumptions of their partner. As the walls of self-protection fall, their anger subsides and they can communicate without hurting each other's feelings. When couples feel disconnected from each other, one of them approaches the other with the intent of solving their problems while the other avoids any kind of conversation that might result in a fight or argument. In EFT we call the first one the pursuer and the second one the withdrawer. Either one has good intentions about the relationship and they both try to solve their problems in a different way that triggers the other. This results in a cycle with the pursuer protesting the disconnection and the withdrawer shutting down to avoid arguments. If couples persist in this cycle for too long, they become increasingly resentful of each other until they may end up giving up on the relationship.
It is very important for couples to seek help while they have a chance. Letting problems foster for a long period of time might cause one of the partners to give up on the relationship and emotionally disconnect. When the couple gets to this point, it is almost impossible to save the relationship. The earlier you can seek help, the greater will be your chance to save your relationship and enjoy many years of happiness.